Thursday, April 28, 2011

And here's how it goes. (sensitive subject matter ahead)

So now that I am on NO meds whatsoever, the pain is back in triplicate. It really is annoying to have this constant pressure and feel like I have to go to the bathroom all the time.

I have been taking ibuprofen, but its relief is limited and I really don't want to boost up the dosage to then become immune.

And for the TMIness of it all, I still have not been able to be intimate with my husband for over a month now. Oh, sure we "relieve his tension", but as far as myself? Oh hell no.

Even though I'm going insane with need. Because EVERYTHING freakin' hurts.

Part of me just wants to say hell with it and have sex. Even though I'll be screaming in pain afterwards.

But I'm afraid that it will worsen whatever is going on.

I truly hope the ultrasound can give us all some clues. And the gyn. I was thinking about asking for a D & C so they can test the tissue. Yeah, it's not typical procedure, but dammit. At this point, I just want some real answers.

I went to go see Keith today and I had to explain in the simplest of terms what was going on with me. He knew I had a dr appt and he was concerned about me. That was difficult as how do you tell someone that believes you to be invincible and immortal that you're in fact not?

I think I succeeded though.

I'm trying my best not to be stressed, but I guess it won't make a damn bit of a difference until after my 2 latest appts.

I do hope it's not serious, but at the same time I do, because then whatever I have will be dealt with and I can finally move on to have NO pain.

At least not in that fashion.

Ergh. I'm way too tired right now. I feel myself getting all morose.

And we can't have that.

So it's off of here and focus on going home to see my husband, my cats, and my bed for some much needed sleep.

Night all.

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